OPERA, IT HAPPENS

Here's something you may have noticed about Italians. They think they're the coolest, most badass people on the planet, even when they're doing something ridiculous.



Take opera, for instance. Can you think of anyone in the USA who thinks opera is semi-cool? I can’t. But ask an Italian (this is done easily even if you don’t speak the language-- just gesticulate as if you have an incredible need to go to the bathroom) and they'll nod  and maybe even belt out a few lines of Andrea Bocelli themselves. In their imaginations they're cool. Actually they're nuts.

Point is, Italians are dead-certain that opera's cool. Therefore no matter what radio station you try, you'll always get trapped into hearing some Italian that sounds as though a giant octopus has just gotten a hold of his vocal chords and is trying to surgically remove them with nasty little dental tools.

Anyways, I was sitting at my desk sipping my cafe latte when one of the most horrendous opera songs EVER came on. Guido seemed to think it was horrendous too-- he started squeeking and running around in circles for the next five minutes with his paws over his ears (in a most human-like fashion) as if he thought he was some sort of angry Cinderella mouse.

He looked so tortured that I decided to postpone (yay!) my email to my parents and instead make up develop a story about his past-- one that involves some terrible traumatic event that has to do with opera.

Here goes: GUIDO'S STORY

Once upon a time there was a baby mouse named Guido. He had a Madre Mouse and a Padre Mouse and two little sorella mice (named Ita and Rafaella).

All of his family were the best opera mice in Italy. Unfortunately, Guido's voice was SO terrible that his family told him to GO AWAY and figure out how to get his own voice.

Which he did eventually, because he was a growing boy and his voice was developing.

But it was opera, so it still sucked, and he didn't want to be an opera mouse anyways, because...

…He was super smart! Actually, he was such a friggin' genius mouse that he decided to ditch Southern Italy and instead sit around in a panini shop and get free food!

 

But then he met me...

And he liked me better because I gave him free Panini AND gelato.

                                         Mmmmmm... yummy picture.

But, even now, every time he hears opera on the radio it still brings him back to his days as a poor, outcast Opera Mouse with unforgiving parents, and this puts him into a traumatized state.

THE END.

Therefore, Guido and I will forever more live by this Forrest Gump take-off motto:

Guido’s quote for the day is the same thing: “d'opera, accade."